EX Home | Search | FAQ | Email Prev. Page | Contents | Next Page
RIAP WRITES

The Special Theory of Anime Relativity (continued)

Experiment Two.
The consequence of axiom 2, namely that pure otaku-bodies move at the speed of light, is readily observed as a time dilation effect in the anime-world relative to the "normal"-world. Let us assume that the normal-world and the anime-world start off parallel to each other but that the anime-world frame is moving in the positive x direction with velocity v. Let us also assume that in the anime-world frame, there exists only one pure otaku-body moving along the x-axis with velocity u.
  Since the only body in this system is a pure otaku-body, we can assume that it is moving at the speed of light, regardless of the anime affecting it. We can say this because axiom 1 says that no anime is preferred over another. In the anime-world frame, the pure otaku-body appears to be at rest—nothing special seems to be happening to it. But in the normal-world frame, we observe that time has slowed down for the otaku-body. In fact, we observe that the otaku-body痴 "clock runs slow."
  Suppose now, that the pure otaku-body is that of a typical Anime fan. The Anime fan will feel as if he is at rest and thus, at peace, in his anime-world with nothing terrible happening to himself as far as he can determine. However, to observers in the normal-world frame, it will be quite apparent that the Anime fan痴 growth and maturity has slowed to a snail痴 pace relative to other individuals living in the normal-world frame. In short, we observe that the Anime fan痴 "clock runs slow."
  Typically, Anime fans are created when susceptible individuals inhabiting the normal-world frame become exposed to the effects of anime. Once exposed, they begin rapidly accelerating to the speed of light. It has been observed, through experiment, that individuals are most susceptible to the effects of anime during their adolescence. Therefore, the great majority of Anime fans become caught in a time warp in which time slows down and they remain awkward, geeky teenagers forever.
  Note that since Anime fans have mass (some much more than others), they only approximate pure otaku-bodies which have no mass. Thus, Anime fans can only approach the speed of light to an arbitrary fraction, say .99c, but can never reach the speed of light. This makes sense since in the relativistic transformation equation which relates relativistic mass in the anime-world frame with proper mass in the normal-world frame.
m=m0/sqrt(1-u^2/c^2)

  It can be seen that, as the Anime fan approaches the speed of light (i.e. as u -> c), his mass (m) approaches infinity. Thus, it requires an infinite amount of anime to accelerate one Anime fan to the speed of light. And since the total amount of anime is limited, no fan can transform into an ideal pure otaku-body, but only approach this ideal state. We observe this condition early in the typical Anime fan痴 life during which the fan tries to expose himself to as much anime as he can possibly obtain often resulting in 喪ound the clock marathon anime viewing. During this period, we invariably observe that the fan gains greatly in mass as he tries, in vain, to become a pure otaku-body, for this is an ideal state in which time stops, maturity is arrested, and anime is infinite and never ending.
Einstein
  The explanation that has escaped us for so long has now been revealed. As you all have witnessed, otaku behavior is a direct result of the scientific phenomena which occurs when fans move near the speed of light relative to the rest of the world.
  Yes, the result of my research has led to the presentation of this remarkable theory—a theory which has unlocked one of this world痴 greatest secrets. But within this remarkable theory which finally describes otaku behavior, there is still an even more remarkable message: that we fans have within us all, the passion, the creativity and the eccentricity that are the seeds of genius.



David Ho runs RIAP, an American animation studio that takes anime as its primary influence. Visit http://www.riap.com to learn more.


EX Home | Search | FAQ | Email Prev. Page | Contents | Next Page